This is me.
Or maybe this is you. I can't tell, I'm a website. And you or I didn't write me with enough sophistication to know who is looking at this page.
At any rate, hello, world. Here's the drill. This website's purpose is to say things that biology, societal norms, or whatever other invisible hand makes it difficult for me or you to otherwise voice. We'll laugh, we'll cry, and we'll probably forget this exists in a couple of days.
You or I may ask yourmyself, "Isn't that what social media is for?" Well, yes, but image, identity, appearance, voice - all of these things play whether the medium is Facebook, Twitter, or meatspace. So here's one more.
Rule number 1: I'm basically over it.
That new video game? I'm over it. That newsworthy thing that happened? Over it. That thing I'm really into and still spend plenty of time thinking about on a daily basis? Well, internally, I guess not - but externally, yeah, I'm over it.
I'm in a constant state of 'over it', but what does that mean to me? The closest way to describe it is it's like feeling that there's no point in discussing or addressing said thing. Every thought already thought - every opinion already stated - and we probably both already know how the entire conversation will play out. Nothing new is said. Nothing new is learned.
This falls into a larger theme of a desire to never repeat myself - whether that's speech, instructions, point of view - or art, work product, problems to solve... Producing the same exact work twice has never been fulfilling. Repetition begats predictability, and to be predictable is to be a trope. Cookie cutter is cookie cutter, and every fiber of my mind recoils from the notion of becoming stale.
Why am I sad?
Am I sad?
I mean, no, but like, it's not a big deal. I just am how I am. And I think that's okay. It might be anhedonia, or depression, or bipolar, or something definable. But frankly I've been going this long without worrying about it, so why bother? Don't worry about it.
Irony, tradition and ritual are paramount.
"Wait a minute - didn't I just read a couple rambling paragraphs about how banal repetativeness is such a burden on your fragile, unique existence?" Yes, but also I am human, and humans find comfort in routine and stability. I occasionally throw myself into projects (like this website) to escape my ruts, but it's too easy to become comfortable. I wish I were better at forcing myself into less comfortable situations.
Conveniently enough, I genuinely enjoy doing mainstream, convenentional things - as long as it's under the guise of irony. For example, eating out at an Olive Garden, or doing something dreadfully touristy. No reasonable person should do these things, but I can so long as it's understood I naturally wouldn't belong there. There is a point at which despite the irony, an act would be so gaudy and unsightly to withstand - like ordering bottle service at some club, where the attendants make a big show of bringing out the overpriced booze replete with sparklers. That's just a waste of money.
If given the choice, for most things in life, I'd choose something I've done before over something new. Unfortunately, I don't particularly like that about myself.
But what I like most about myself...
...is my ability to withstand unpleasantness. A general lack of outward joie de vivre has helped condition my endurance and ability to put up with most anything. The end result is that it takes a lot for me to be affected by discomfort. Subway delays, bad weather, late deliveries, crowded sidewalks. These are normal things that happen in life.
We control how we react to bad things that happen to us. But what upsets me more than anything are people who cannot control themselves when faced with life's little setbacks - especially when their default reaction is anger. You might find anger to solve your issue, but you're almost certainly creating a new one in the process.
Take this information and do with it what you wish.